The Five Types Of Communication
When you are not “Pro-active” in communication, you are subject to another crazy cycle. For example, Meaning well John wants to surprise the family and brings home pizza. Meaning well Sally gets off work early and decides to cook a full course meal. “Why didn’t you tell me!!” could have been the reaction from either side. Add an ABC or two there and now things become radio-active. An example of reactive criticism like: “you never” or “you always” can make things get retroactive. Retroactive conversation can attack the character of a person, bringing up situations that may have already been resolved and failing to acknowledge the good things about them. Pro-active couples look ahead to solutions and have less wasted time.In proactive communication, you start the conversation when you are apart. This is done by sending nice text messages or quick chats on your breaks before you get home with “I love you’s” and needed info. When you arrive home (either person) your first words you say to your spouse will determine the rest of the night.
It is your choice to guide your time like a pro into a night of intimacy or into a crazy cycle like an amateur. Remember; don’t name call, label or belittle. Begin a great conversation with an affirmation:
- “I appreciated it today when you ________”
- “Thank you for __________”
- “It made me feel so good when you_______”
Save any complaints after five minutes of conversation and when you do, use the proactive-type of communication with a compliment to complaint ratio of at least 5 to 1 to promote any change that you desire. When this ratio is 1 to 5, the other spouse may start to shut down and have inactive conversation.
A man adds value when he talks to his woman with love (protective, connecting talk) to help keep her from drifting to the crazy cycle or attacking her partner.
A woman adds value when she talks to her man in a respectful manner, especially if she wants to promote change and keep his attention on the conversation and being inactive.