Anybody with a pulse can fall in love, but it takes a loving, unselfish person to stay in love. Commitment in a relationship doesn’t have to be left by chance. It is a choice (Love,P., 2001).The first lesson of marriage is to accept your spouse as they are, rather than trying to make them into the person you had hoped they would be.
Marriage will be a fight, but it’s one you can win. It takes two people that are fighting for their marriage to make it the best it can be. In the earlier years of marriage, a lot of time is spent with one dominating and the other being dominated
A marriage should have each person equal in the relationship. Some people use words and actions to control their mate to change them into their ideal person, instead of giving them unconditional acceptance. If you are not serving and forgiving, but insulting and threatening, you can have a mindset that is an intimacy destroyer. It helps when we realize we are on the same team.
Commitment is sealed by being kind to each other and making demands and not requests. An example: Instead of saying “Pick up those clothes from off the floor!” you could say: “Would you mind getting those clothes from off the floor, so I don’t trip over them?” or “I would like it if you get those clothes off the floor?”
Commitment is also sealed by confronting without anger to promote the change you want without radioactive style communication. Instead of pointing out something that bothers you and you don’t want your spouse to be defensive, try saying; “I would like it if you….. (fill in the blank here)”
To help prevent a crazy cycle, the more mature person of the couple will be the first to serve and the first to forgive. Many people go into a marriage for a “what-will-you-do-for-me attitude” and go inactive when it comes to serving. Some will use manipulation from pouting to yelling that is only successful in building contempt, resentment and frustration. Don’t wait for your partner to make the first move in love. Initiate the planting of good seeds in your marriage for the best results and wait for a great harvest. Seeds don’t grow overnight. Remember that you partner is not your enemy.
Be specific when talking. Don’t use generalizations and allow clarifying questions. When misunderstanding or arguments occur, it’s usually a small bit of information that wasn’t shared. Assuming your spouse is thinking the same way you are, is a crazy cycle waiting to happen and places any solutions in limbo.
In conclusion, believe the best in your spouse; don’t expect the worse in a committed marriage. This will develop negative interpretation patterns.Thoughts become words, words become actions, and actions become character. It is your choice to guide your heart with love for the best expectations. If you believe the worse, your attitude will drive you away from rewarding conversations. When believing the worse, you’ll identify quickly with fears of things becoming permanent problems. Realize that your partner means well and they are trying their best. Some people have fantasies of what they think their spouse should be like, but this can cause problems. Fantasies are just that and they are not reality. To have your spouse meet your every need is unreal and not humanly possible.
Humans are naturally reciprocal. In believing the best, your habits invite calmer and peaceful conversations without disrespectful eye-rolls or unloving remarks. If you ever get the thought that the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence”; water your own grass!
Remember, your spouse is not wrong, just different. An example: If a woman says I have nothing to wear, she may mean: “I need to go shopping” to a man that may mean: “I need to wash clothes”.