Lesson #86 Sex and the Single Christian

Being single in today’s world is challenging. If you don’t have good Christian role models, you can be like a sheep away from the flock. The wolves are ready to devour you. They want to displace lives, marriages and families. We can combat this by finding a good brother to fight the good fight of faith with for accountability. God wants us to win, and there are some good tactics for victory (1Tim6:12).

 As men, our minds are capable of intense foreplay. Habits of recruiting images into our mind must be dealt with. Our mind is capable of keeping a rolodex of thousands of ‘snapshots’ that can be picked up at a glance. The eyes must ‘bounce off’ those images in order not to bring an addictive or destructive element into a single lifestyle or a potential marriage (2Cor 10:5). Good therapy is to take anything out of your house that would cause you to slip away and give these images even the briefest of worship (1Thess 5:22). While it is true that India has more gods than people because of cow worship, the U.S. has made much more idols in these things alone (Ex 20:3-6).

  The repetitiveness of lustful actions in the pleasure centers of your mind will feed on these images like a crack pipe. Modern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of pornography is chemically nearly identical to heroin addiction*. Every little crumb will count when you are empty. Sexual intensity will try to replace our natural sexual intimacy with the opposite sex. Selfishness will attempt to replace the natural ability of giving love to one another. We will lean more towards looking at women, instead of interacting with them. The way the thief comes to steal from you is by “trading” thoughts and imaginations (John 10:10). What we really need is a full meal, and not an unedifying junk food.

If you are single and find yourself attracted to someone, you should think about out why. Always think of the eternal consequences first, before you move on. Do not play games and lead them on, unless you are willing to give up your life for them. Ask the other person if they agree with your idea of having children, living arrangements, how your credit should be, retirement plans and other essential long term plans. Keep your spiritual goals in mind. You always want someone who is dedicated to God and compliments the calling in your lives. You are truly ready for marriage when you are willing to never leave it (Eph 5:25).

A single person is a whole person. They are complete, even without marriage.  Some people will try to find someone that they can change, or duplicate their self. Their desire to create a person into their own created image will just make another person feel inadequate or bound. When you try to control someone, it is the same as witchcraft. They cannot be whole like this. Men and women are called into freedom and liberty.

Loneliness is a spirit that comes with slothfulness or inactivity. Remember, getting married doesn’t always solve the problem of being alone. You can get even lonelier by having the expectation of someone who you feel is supposed to be there. They could be unavailable physically or emotionally. A person who is home alone is physically the same as a person who is married and waiting for their spouse to come home. The same spirit will play on a mind that’s not occupied, no matter what the situation is.      

Make sure you occupy yourself by giving, or receiving the Word through reading, message or song.  Contributors to loneliness are romantic songs of what could be, or even the melodies of old memories. Being around perverse men at work will, at times, require you standing up for what you believe. Your wisdom will tell them why your goals are important enough to be respected. Make sure you have friends in your life for fellowship and accountability. Don’t be a dream-chaser, but seek the kingdom and all will be added unto you
(Matt 6:33).

 Before you can love anyone, you must first love yourself. You should not expect another person to make you happy and fulfilled, when only God can do that. If you expect that person to be the answer for that, in a marriage it will become a problem for both of you. Anyone can say I love you, but until they have real love in them, they will not have any to give. This works both ways. A woman, who has been betrayed or abused, cannot return much love without leaving the baggage.

If you are in a relationship, be aware of each other’s limitations when it comes to arousing one another. You should never lie down horizontally together. When you have more time for open communication, you can work on planning and conflict resolutions, instead of using sex as an answer to built up tensions. Less than 1% of the marriage time is spent sexually. Enjoy practicing what to do with the other 99%. If you can be with the person without having sex, you could have a mate for life.

 Jesus wants you whole. A clear conscious without bondage or guilt, will help loose other captives. When you let His mind be in you, you will open up into a realm of freedom and contentment.

* Psychiatrist Jeffrey Satinover at a Senate hearing, regarding if porn was just another form of expression protected under the first

Lesson #86